Grandmas Against Humanity

Before you jump to conclusions and assume my grandma is a YouTube celebrity, no, my grandma is NOT one of these ladies. I wouldn’t put it past her though. I’ve recently learned that nothing should really surprise me anymore when it comes to her.

I went home recently to see my little sister walk across a stage and read a speech. You know, the typical valedictorian stuff — I mean, isn’t everyone’s sister valedictorian when they graduate college? (insert proud big brother status here)

While I was home, we decided to have a chill night in (twice actually) and partake in some quality family bonding time, game night so to speak, with a quality family-friendly card game: Cards Against Humanity.

To say I learned a lot about my grandma is an understatement… Continue reading

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First Impressions, Worst Impressions, and Why it Pays to be the Fat Kid

I’ll say it: It pays to be the fat kid. Sometimes being hungry pays off.

About two weeks ago, I had started talking to this guy – and no, not on Grindr. This time, I was testing out an app called Tinder. Now you straight people may be familiar with it. It’s probably the closest thing to Grindr you have on your phone. To fill those of you who’ve been living under a rock in, it shows you a picture of someone else who’s also “looking” and you swipe one way for yes and the other for no. Interested? Not interested? Swipe away! It’s like a game. Seriously. If you both swipe that you think the other is attractive it’s like “Congratulations! You’re a match!” and then asks if you want to message them or “Keep Playing” – seriously…keep playing. It’s a game. I told you. Oh, and you link it with your Facebook so you can easily upload your pictures and get to swiping quicker, see mutual “Likes” and interests, AND see if you have mutual friends. Pretty easy. Welcome to the dating in 2014.

So here we are: Congratulations! You’re a match!

Umm…jackpot. Gorgeous. Looks phenomenal in a suit. Has a picture with a French Bulldog. AND we have a mutual friend (that I can research him through and make sure he’s not psychotic). Forget this game. This calls for sending the first message.

So we talk for a few days, swap numbers, and make plans to meet up for drinks since – let’s face it – pretty much anyone can come across good via text, but if you’re socially awkward or just weird in person in general, a nonchalant meeting over a beer and and appetizer will spell it all out quick and easy. We made plans for a random weeknight – partially because I had other plans later in the week, but more importantly because working early is an easy cop-out if you need an escape from a bad weeknight date – to meet up in his neighborhood since it was on my way home from the office. Step one: Check. Continue reading

Help! I’m Surrounded By Straight People!

Let’s play a little game of “Never Have I Ever.”

“Never have I ever been surrounded by a couple hundred seemingly desperate straight women and douchey men who can’t dance at 7pm on a Thursday night.”

If you didn’t just put down a finger then you should have been at the launch party for this new dating app called Hinge this Thursday in Chicago. Seriously. I have never been surrounded by so many heterosexuals that early in the evening who were “looking.”

Probably about a week or two ago, I received an email from “The Social Mistress” – a ridiculously fun lady that The Sassy Nebraskan and I met a while back at a scotch tasting event that I’d RSVP’d us to before realizing she hated scotch so much (whoops) – that there was a new dating app throwing an open-bar launch party at one of the best night clubs downtown (there’s always celebrity sightings there on the weekends). With zero hesitation (you had me at “open bar”), I clicked the link, RSVP’d and was on the guest list. Continue reading

Networking 101

I’ve recently gone to a few networking events and launch parties – both professional and otherwise – and I was surprised (although not surprised at the same time) at how some of the events compared to one another. Particularly when it came to matters of actually socializing and networking…on both a personal and brand level. While I’m fully aware that not everyone is born a people-person, if you’re going to try and launch your product or promote your brand (or yourself) there’s a few things you should probably brush up on before you throw yourself out there if you want the night to be a resounding success.

I’m a huge fan of the RedEye. Seriously. Every morning I pick one up on my way to the train. 45 minutes later I have an interesting random bit of knowledge to share at the office, most commonly to my Mexican friend Party – otherwise known as Fiesta in her native language. From learning about some random topic or world happening (in some cases both birds are killed with one stone/story) to where a launch party is going on for some new brand or product, the RedEye is an amazing resource.  Continue reading

A 12-Step Guide for Antisocial Social Drinkers Wishing to Celebrate National Cabernet Sauvignon Day

Thanks to a friend’s Facebook post this morning, I learned that today is National Cabernet Sauvignon Day. Umm…HOW WAS I NEVER INFORMED OF THIS BEFORE?!?!?! Good thing I picked up a bottle the last time I was at Target as a self-defense weapon and didn’t need to use it. So how am I celebrating? At home. By myself. Consider me Grumpy Cat in human form.

I like to think I’m a “Social Drinker” as I often find myself in social settings…with a drink in hand. After surveying several other interior designers, I think it’s safe to say that cocktails and designers go hand-in-hand (literally). A good cocktail brings out the best in us and makes conversation flow more than it already does among us. Sometimes, however, I just don’t feel like being social and want to stay home in a pair of gym shorts with and enjoy a glass/bottle of wine alone. I still consider this a form of social drinking as I am frequently FaceTiming or texting a friend who is doing the same thing. For instance, I am currently multitasking between typing this and texting a friend – the same friend who thankfully informed me it’s National Cabernet Sauvignon Day – who is celebrating it at home with his boyfriend. Coincidence? No. We just like our holidays.

So in honor of National Cabernet Sauvignon Day, I’ve put together a little guide for how to celebrate it if you feel like being antisocial like I do tonight. I consider it a wonderful little 12-Step Program for nonalcoholics like myself. Continue reading

Adventures in the Targhetto

Whenever I go to the Target in the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago after dark, I justify buying a bottle or two of wine each time I go by telling myself it could be used as a weapon in self-defense should someone try to mug me and steal my purchases on the walk back to train. The fact that said mugging has never yet happened is just an added bonus for my wine rack.

Seriously. This Target is in…the…hood. You get off the train and – legit – it reeks of ghetto fabulousness. Walking from the Wilson red line stop to the entrance of Target, there are more weave shops, smoke shops, and “African Hair Braiding” shops than I think I’ve ever seen in my life. To say that it’s in an “ethnic” neighborhood is an understatement. The one day, I even passed a lady trying to sell last season’s luxury Avon (hahaha…right…because Avon is sooooo luxurious, right?) products out of a suitcase on the street corner outside Target – we’re talking NYC-sidewalk-vendor-selling-knockoff-handbags-and-sunglasses style. I thought I had seen it all on the red line…until I got off at the Wilson stop. Yikes. Needless to say, even after three straight weekends of laying out at the beach opting for JWOWW One and Done lotion rather than SPF (sorry, mom!) I still feel slightly out of place.  Continue reading