The Mexico Diaries: Part 4

DAY 7

How is it even the seventh day already? In celebration of god resting, I’m up early at 5am and ready to roll. Check my phone: sunrise at 7:02am. Perfect. Get dressed. Head downstairs by 6:15am. It’s adventure time!

But first, coffee.

There…is…no…coffee. I may die.

Run back upstairs and grab two of my stockpiled bottles of water. I’ve resorted to hiding them daily when I leave so housekeeping keeps bringing more so I have them just in case. Water will have to hold me over until I get to Starbucks. There is one here. I’m basically the human form of Little Bunny Follows His Nose. I can sniff out coffee anywhere. Continue reading

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RHOCA: Peace Out, Corporate

Peace out, Corporate? Hold up. Rewind. What?

Yep…that’s right. No more Corporate Hell America for moi. So much for 3-6 months right? More like 6 weeks.

But who am I kidding….six weeks of hell was enough. Let’s face it:

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So what happened? By all means, allow me… Continue reading

RHOCA: Always Fourth (or Fifth) Best

hi-haters-animateComing back into the world of Corporate America, I knew all hell was about to break loose. I mean, I hadn’t left on the best of terms with a few people (okay, just one) the last time around.

I’d heard through the grapevine (you remember my work bestie Party – otherwise known as “Fiesta” – right?) that a certain individual wasn’t thrilled I was coming back and was determined to stand in the way as much as she could. But who? Who couldn’t possibly love working with me?

Why, none other than my arch-nemesis Idaho, that’s who.

And no, her name isn’t really Idaho, nor is she remotely a ho at all. She’s a good Christian woman who loves the Lord and hates all things involving alcohol, drugs, sarcasm, and remotely homosexual in nature.  Continue reading

Adventures in Road Tripping Part 3: California Dreaming

In case you’ve somehow missed the first half of my road trip of a lifetime, here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2. If you’re caught up, behold….the light at the end of the tunnel!

Setting the cruise control for 85, we took off from Portland and set our GPS for the city of cable cars, hills, sourdough bread, and the Golden Gate Bridge…but more importantly: Full House and one of my all-time favorite movies…Mrs. Doubtfire.

Helloooooo, San Francisco!

Bonus points if you read that in the Mrs. Doubtfire voice where Robin Williams is spontaneously painted for filth (as drag queens say) in birthday cake realness.

Leave it to us to get distracted though and turn what could have been a quick 10-hour drive (or 8 hours with us at the helm) into a full two days of driving thanks to a state-line sunset and a trip through the Redwood Forest.

As we closed in on the Oregon/California state line, it was nearing time for sunset and what better way to welcome us to California than my first official California sunset?

Crescent City SunsetWe pulled off in a town called Crescent City and found a harbor where we could watch the sunset. Let’s just say that after seeing a California set I was officially sold. Nothing I’ve seen before compares.

Figuring it’d be fun to camp again, we called to reserve a campsite in the Redwood National Forest. Wrong.

“Sorry the campsites in the park are first-come first-serve. You need to book your campsite at least 48 hours in advance, and we don’t know which campsites have availability or not.” Continue reading

Adventures in Road Tripping Part 2: The Oregon Trail

Sorry for keeping you in suspense (yes mom, I’m talking about you – now stop harassing me for taking forever to post Part 2) with the second half of my now-not-so-recent roadtrip to the West Coast. If you’re reading this, the suspense has obviously not killed you so congratulations on surviving. So without any further ado…

(drumroll please)

Last we left off, we’d peaced out of Glacier National Park and were high-tailing it to Seattle. To the land of Starbucks and fish-tossers we went. Since my partner in crime had friends in Seattle there’d be no camping for us at this pit stop – sofa-surfing it was.

Several pit stops at Starbucks later, we were officially in Seattle and checked into the fancy Casa de Amiga for our two night stay in Starbucksville. Since we’d arrived just in time for Happy Hour, we were greeted by our friend with a “Hi, how are you!? Would you like some pot chocolate before we head out?”

I’m sorry, but did you say HOT chocolate, or POT chocolate?

I mean….since it’s legal in Washington….when in Rome! Continue reading