Yesterday I was on the train for the first time in a while. Since I recently moved, this is a rare occasion since I no longer have to take it to/from work, Target, the grocery store, etc. since I live in the heart of Boystown and can walk everywhere that my little heart desires. My BFF and I were on our way back from dropping the keys off to my old apartment and housing burgers, onion rings, and a pitcher of 312. As we passed a cemetery (or graveyard as she likes to morbidly refer to it), we started discussing funeral plans.
Me: “I’m going to get you one of those little house things.”
Her: “Eh, those are too big.”
Me: “Fine. I’ll cremate you and have you turned into a diamond.”
Her: “If that’s what it takes to get a ring on your finger, okay!”
On that note, we decided we should probably schedule an appointment to meet with a funeral services coordinator. Why? Because that’s the type of friends we are. Continue reading
Once upon a time, two twins were separated at birth. They lived apart for nearly 24 years before being reunited in Nebraska. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the tale of my unofficial (however it could be proven official if we got Maury Povich involved) twin and our tapeworm-fueled shenanigans/future plans.
Here we were in the booming metropolis of Lincoln, Nebraska. As any quality friendship begins these days, we were introduced by a mutual friend at the bar and bonded over vodka-sodas, tequila shots, frog sperm, and the fact that we shared the same ex-boyfriend with a Dorito-tinged skin color that rivaled Snooki’s circa season one of MTV’s the Jersey Shore. It was love at first sight for the two of us twins – well, within reason because twincest…well, that’s just gross. Continue reading
To say that this post has been a long time coming (no pun intended) would be an understatement. As I’m sure you’re aware (if you’ve read any of my past posts about awkward dates), I have a knack for attracting the weirdos. There’s been a video circulating of some ladies reading messages that people had received on apps like Grindr and Scruff. This could not possibly be any more accurate.
When conversations with these nutjobs occur, I have a tendency to screenshot them. Some make their way to Twitter and Facebook. Others get circulated around via group text. Others stay in my phone for times when I need a good laugh.
DISCLAIMER: Not all conversations on Grindr and other such apps are trainwrecks like the ones you’re about to see. Don’t believe me? See also: Not All Grindr Dates Are Bad Dates.
So for your viewing pleasure, I present to you…some of the most random/awkward/funny/epic #GrindrFail messages (and a text someone sent to the wrong number) that I’ve received in a while. And no….this is probably NSFW (or Not Safe For Work for those of you who don’t understand common abbreviations – yes mom, that would be you since I’m sure you’re probably reading this). Continue reading