The Life of a Spa Junkie

Holy mother of god. Has it seriously been nearly a month since I posted? Insane. It seems like I go in spurts — a couple posts in a week or so then BAM! I go all M.I.A.

What you didn’t know is that I’m actually a Secret Agent. Kind of like 007. When I’m not here I’m off on some special assignment.

Or not.

So remember that time the restaurant that screwed me over decided to ask how it compared to the nail salon I’m at now? Well for those of you who might have wondered (since I haven’t really talked much about it): it’s a million times better. Better than the service industry. Better than Corporate America. It’s pretty much awesome.

Sure, I’m working 6-7 days a week – a few of those days from open to close – but when the people you work with are awesome, you get to hang out and bullshit with the regulars, manage the company’s (and your own) social media accounts, and make sure daily operations run smoothly – and get paid for it? And free spa services?

Umm, awesome much? I think yes.  Continue reading

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RHOCA: Peace Out, Corporate

Peace out, Corporate? Hold up. Rewind. What?

Yep…that’s right. No more Corporate Hell America for moi. So much for 3-6 months right? More like 6 weeks.

But who am I kidding….six weeks of hell was enough. Let’s face it:

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So what happened? By all means, allow me… Continue reading

RHOCA: Always Fourth (or Fifth) Best

hi-haters-animateComing back into the world of Corporate America, I knew all hell was about to break loose. I mean, I hadn’t left on the best of terms with a few people (okay, just one) the last time around.

I’d heard through the grapevine (you remember my work bestie Party – otherwise known as “Fiesta” – right?) that a certain individual wasn’t thrilled I was coming back and was determined to stand in the way as much as she could. But who? Who couldn’t possibly love working with me?

Why, none other than my arch-nemesis Idaho, that’s who.

And no, her name isn’t really Idaho, nor is she remotely a ho at all. She’s a good Christian woman who loves the Lord and hates all things involving alcohol, drugs, sarcasm, and remotely homosexual in nature.  Continue reading

RHOCA: Guess Who’s Back

Here’s a hint….if your guess was “Slim Shady” then I’m sad to inform you that you’re wrong.

Between working a million two-and-a-half jobs (two full-time and one part-time), moving to a new apartment, working out, and sleeping… Yeah, I’ve totally dropped the ball over here and am fully aware that you’ve probably been missing my shenanigans. I’ll try not to let it happen again.

That being said: Guess who’s back working in Corporate America?

Say hello to the newest member of RHOCA, the Real Housewives of Corporate America. Continue reading

How That Reality Show “My Job Is An Absolute Joke” Got The Axe

 

work-memeSo remember that reality show about the guy who worked at that restaurant who thought he got fired while he was on vacation but didn’t and then got yelled at for a bow tie not being a tie? Well that show got canned. Not to be confused with the main character getting canned, because that’s definitely not the case. It’s actually quite the opposite: he canned them. Which totally sucks for you if you were planning to binge-watch it. Miss the last episode? Here’s what you missed…

Continue reading

The Adventures of MDR

If you follow me on Twitter (which if you don’t, then you totally should be), you’d have already guessed from the title of this post that it’s about the charming young man I like to refer to as MDR, also known as “My Delightful Roommate” (or another “D” word if you prefer). If not, this should explain it and get you up to speed.

As you might have guessed from my tweets and a previous blog post, my roommate is pretty much awesome and has phenomenal taste in the men that he brings home from the bar. Especially on random Tuesday nights. He’s probably the best roommate I’ve ever had.

Oh who am I kidding? Other than my Roomdog, I tend to have a great track record with choosing only the cream of the crap to live with. Crap. I meant crop. Same thing. Don’t get me wrong…I love the kid to death, but living with him is a real treat. Where do I even begin? Continue reading

Tipsy Tuesday Strikes Again

 

Forget everything you ever knew about TGIF – and no, I’m not talking about TGIF as in TGIFridays (although I do love great all-day-everyday drink specials and delicious artery-clogging appetizers. No. It’s all about TGIT these days. If you missed the memo (as I apparently did), Tuesday is the new Friday – or else at least at my apartment it is…

l_5117e830-bd06-11e1-a066-531485100006I never really understood mid-week drinking. Well, outside of happy hour, networking events, wine nights, and….well….okay, fine. I get it. Sometimes you need to just let loose.  Tuesday is apparently the new “it” night to do such.

For example… Continue reading

Epic GrindrFails: Vol. 3

In case you’ve been living under a rock and missed it, the ladies of Second City have released yet another “Ladies Looking” video.

Because of this event worthy of having its own government-recognized holiday (complete with mandatory bank, post office, courthouse, and school closures), I felt it was an appropriate time to release another round of the ridiculous messages I’ve received on the same ridiculous apps. Continue reading

Management 101: How to Effectively Run a Business

I’m sure you’ve probably read Robert Fulghum’s All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. While I agree that there are some great lessons to be learned from this, I don’t quite agree that it’s all you need to know. Anyone who can say that has obviously never worked in a restaurant because that’s really where you learn everything. From how to tip to how not to treat people in the service industry, and from how to clean up after yourself to how to effectively run a business. You’d think some things would be common sense, but apparently not. Tipping and cleaning up after yourself aside (we’ll save those for another day), we’re going to focus on the most important thing: how to effectively run a business.

I was going to let this post slide under the radar, but after learning recently that I’m apparently banned from one of the restaurants I worked at over the summer for “blasting” them on social media after I left, I felt it was an appropriate time to look at my time there in a positive light and share with you what I was able to learn from the experience. Continue reading

Home Is Where You Make It And Not Just Where The Heart Is

No Place Like HomeGrowing up, I was taught that “home is where the heart is” – compliments of some hand-stitched needlepoint that my mom or grandma had done at some point and hung on the wall.  There’s the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy clicks her ruby red heels together and chants ‘There’s no place like home’ three times then magically reappears there. Sometimes it’d be nice to be able to do this. Trust me – there have been times that I’ve wished I could click my glittery size 12 pumps (just kidding, those days are over) together and end up in my mom’s house with a home-cooked meal in the land of a lack of reliable cell phone service where the closest guy on Grindr is 4 miles away. Continue reading