Bum-bum-bum…..I’m Back

So it’s been over a year – 537 days to be exact – since the Often Annoyed Designer came out to play. A lot’s happened since then, and since I feel like I’m just as annoyed as ever I figure it’s high time I make my return.

Prepare yourselves…

Advertisements

Dear Jewel…

My dearest Jewel-Osco,

Why must you insist on us having such a love-hate relationship?

Providing only four employees – one for each of two lanes, a bagger, and a supervisor for four self-checkouts – on a busy Friday night when all of Boystown and Wrigleyville needs to stock up on their weekend refreshments, is probably not the smartest staffing decision. Especially the weekend that Chicago’s plastic bag ban takes effect.

And especially if a decrepit 93-year-old Mr. Miyagi lookalike is your bag boy?

By All Means...

While I love you and your broad selection of delicious food, your checkout lines on a Friday night are the reason I keep Treasure Island around as my mistress…

You see, it’s like this… Continue reading

Grandmas Against Humanity

Before you jump to conclusions and assume my grandma is a YouTube celebrity, no, my grandma is NOT one of these ladies. I wouldn’t put it past her though. I’ve recently learned that nothing should really surprise me anymore when it comes to her.

I went home recently to see my little sister walk across a stage and read a speech. You know, the typical valedictorian stuff — I mean, isn’t everyone’s sister valedictorian when they graduate college? (insert proud big brother status here)

While I was home, we decided to have a chill night in (twice actually) and partake in some quality family bonding time, game night so to speak, with a quality family-friendly card game: Cards Against Humanity.

To say I learned a lot about my grandma is an understatement… Continue reading

The Great Apartment Hunt

So I recently moved out of my old apartment. In other words: no more MDR. While I love the kid to death, I decided it was probably for the best – especially since I had gone back to working in Corporate America and had to be up at 6am (vomit) to get ready for work and haul my morning-hating-self downtown – for my sanity and our friendship in general to go back to living on my own.

Let the hunt begin.

They say honesty is the best policy, but apparently apartment leasing companies missed the memo on this. Continue reading

The Adventures of MDR

If you follow me on Twitter (which if you don’t, then you totally should be), you’d have already guessed from the title of this post that it’s about the charming young man I like to refer to as MDR, also known as “My Delightful Roommate” (or another “D” word if you prefer). If not, this should explain it and get you up to speed.

As you might have guessed from my tweets and a previous blog post, my roommate is pretty much awesome and has phenomenal taste in the men that he brings home from the bar. Especially on random Tuesday nights. He’s probably the best roommate I’ve ever had.

Oh who am I kidding? Other than my Roomdog, I tend to have a great track record with choosing only the cream of the crap to live with. Crap. I meant crop. Same thing. Don’t get me wrong…I love the kid to death, but living with him is a real treat. Where do I even begin? Continue reading

Tipsy Tuesday Strikes Again

 

Forget everything you ever knew about TGIF – and no, I’m not talking about TGIF as in TGIFridays (although I do love great all-day-everyday drink specials and delicious artery-clogging appetizers. No. It’s all about TGIT these days. If you missed the memo (as I apparently did), Tuesday is the new Friday – or else at least at my apartment it is…

l_5117e830-bd06-11e1-a066-531485100006I never really understood mid-week drinking. Well, outside of happy hour, networking events, wine nights, and….well….okay, fine. I get it. Sometimes you need to just let loose.  Tuesday is apparently the new “it” night to do such.

For example… Continue reading

Home Is Where You Make It And Not Just Where The Heart Is

No Place Like HomeGrowing up, I was taught that “home is where the heart is” – compliments of some hand-stitched needlepoint that my mom or grandma had done at some point and hung on the wall.  There’s the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy clicks her ruby red heels together and chants ‘There’s no place like home’ three times then magically reappears there. Sometimes it’d be nice to be able to do this. Trust me – there have been times that I’ve wished I could click my glittery size 12 pumps (just kidding, those days are over) together and end up in my mom’s house with a home-cooked meal in the land of a lack of reliable cell phone service where the closest guy on Grindr is 4 miles away. Continue reading

#ALSIceBucketChallenge? Nope, Not Doing It.

IMG_0552So it finally happened. I got nominated to take part in the #ALSIceBucketChallenge that’s going around on Facebook. I figured it was inevitable. I mean, with 773 friends on Facebook it was bound to happen eventually.

Well guess what…I’m not doing it, and here’s why. Continue reading

An Open Letter to the USPS

Dear United States Postal Service –

Now I understand why you’re going bankrupt and have to keep raising your prices on stamps. I’m onto you. The reason? Your customer service is second to none….in terms of being terrible.

Allow me to explain.

First off, when I moved to my new apartment, I set up mail forwarding. For the first two weeks I didn’t receive any mail. Weird. When I asked my mail carrier, she informed me it was because my name wasn’t on the mailbox so she’d been returning everything to the sender…despite the fact that everything had forwarding stickers directing it to this address. Real intelligent. But I’ll let it slide since she was friendly and agreed to start delivering my mail. As she should. Fine.

However……..about two weeks ago, you left me this slip in my mailbox letting me know that you had a package to deliver to me that needed to be signed for. Following the instructions on the card, I signed and checked the box to authorize redelivery and to have the package left. Pretty simple, right?

Wrong. Let the fiasco begin. Continue reading

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

Yesterday I was on the train for the first time in a while. Since I recently moved, this is a rare occasion since I no longer have to take it to/from work, Target, the grocery store, etc. since I live in the heart of Boystown and can walk everywhere that my little heart desires. My BFF and I were on our way back from dropping the keys off to my old apartment and housing burgers, onion rings, and a pitcher of 312. As we passed a cemetery (or graveyard as she likes to morbidly refer to it), we started discussing funeral plans.

Me: “I’m going to get you one of those little house things.”
Her: “Eh, those are too big.”
Me: “Fine. I’ll cremate you and have you turned into a diamond.”
Her: “If that’s what it takes to get a ring on your finger, okay!”

On that note, we decided we should probably schedule an appointment to meet with a funeral services coordinator. Why? Because that’s the type of friends we are. Continue reading