The Mexico Diaries: Part 3

DAY 5

Tall local leaves around 9am. Apple Watch says I’ve already stood for 4 hours so I must have been out until at least 4am. Already doubled my move and exercise goals for the day. Need to go clubbing more often. Skinny goals. Back to sleep until noon. Gracias.

Shower and head to brunch at Coco’s Kitchen + Wine Garden for guac and an order of chicken enchiladas. Find a leaf and a bone in my enchilada. Meh…at least it’s organic, right?

Sit at brunch forever because they have free wifi. Should be at the beach getting tan(ner) but the signal sucks there. Sorry, tall local, but you’ll have to lounge solo for a bit. Need to run back to the hotel anyway so I can pull on my speedo in the comfort of my room rather than in a dirty bathroom on the beach. One day I’ll learn to just start wearing it instead of underwear. One day. Probably day 9 or 10. Plus I need to poop, and that definitely won’t be happening in a beach bathroom. No thank you ma’am. Nope.

So many stairs to get up the hill to my hotel. Day 1-4 I was winded by the time I got to the top. Day 5: Boom. I AM THE STAIR MASTER. I shall have killer calves when I’m done here, just you wait and see.

Get back to my room. Already cleaned. Not even 2pm. Rosario is on her A-Game. Tipping here is odd too. Observations:

  • Left her 20 pesos two days ago. Got an extra bottle of water. Three instead of two.
  • Left 50 pesos yesterday expecting a case of water. Came back to two bottles of water and an extra roll of toilet paper. Interesting. Perhaps that’s a luxury here?
  • Today I forget to leave money out since I didn’t expect her here so early. No tip = two bottles of water and four rolls of toilet paper. Maybe I’ll start hiding them in my bag and take them home. It’s nice toilet paper too, not the crappy truck stop type. Ideas.

Suppose I should probably message Gil (the tall local) back and let him know I’ll make it to the beach eventually. I’d rather just go up to the pool. I’m lazy.

Notice my white shorts from last night have turned blue from grinding on him. Whoops. Guess I can’t wear those again on this trip. 🙈🙈🙈

Afternoon at Blue Chairs with two buckets of Pacifico: Check.

If you’re wondering, there are five per bucket which means 6/10 are mine. Obviously.

Saw a cute bag – black, of course – in the window of a bathing suit and tank top shop while walking back from the beach. I wonder what time they’re open until? I must have it.

Margarita Grill for dinner again. I am a creature of habit. Also because when I checked my bank account today it wasn’t actually $14.70…..it was only $11.72 with the exchange rate. I may need to move here. I can live like a king.

Venture over to La Fiesta for a drag show and a few (more) drinks. Spanish drag shows are weird. The same queen performs for two hours straight. No costume/makeup/hair change. At. All. Then another queen comes on. So strange. I get bored quickly because she can’t lip sync worth shit. Find me some heels and a wig and I’ll put her to shame. I’m not drunk enough for this. Home I go. Here’s to not getting crazy on the Saturday of Halloween weekend. Plus I wasn’t thinking and didn’t pack a costume. Fail.

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DAY 6

Start the day with free coffee from down in the lobby of my hotel. Sit outside on the patio checking email, catching up on FB, Instagram, the works. Sheesh. Some of you are sluts with those Halloween costumes. What would your mothers think?

iPad decides to randomly go to a screen that says “iPad is not set up” in the middle of emails. I guess that means I’m cut off and shouldn’t be worrying about work while I’m on vacation. It also means it’s time for brunch.

Wander down the Malecón and find a place called Serrano’s Meat House with 2×1 mimosas for 110 pesos. Jackpot. Brunch is served. View isn’t too shabby either. It’s not the ocean, but they say variety is the spice of life.

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Wonder what time shops open on Sunday here. Still thinking about that bag. Also want to find a poncho. Also in black of course. That will be cute for winter with black skinny jeans and black boots. Black on black. Always. Maybe I’ll accessorize with the new black bag too.

Four mimosas later brunch is officially over. Decide to wander around. Stop by the tank top and bathing suit shop by Blondies. Run into FiFi. She’s my new amiga. God knows I love me a good queen. Decide to add to my tank top collection. Again. 220 pesos = $11.59. How can I not?

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STL texts me and says there’s a beach party at Green Chairs – the beach club next to Blue Chairs – today. I wonder how much a liver transplant costs down here.

Decide to lay by the pool for a bit but am sick of not having significant tan lines yet. Guess we’ll skip the SPF and opt for the BronzeD tanning lotion. This can only end well, right?

After an hour or two by the pool, I shower and head to the beach because why not? YOLO or whatever. Decide to skip Blue Chairs and do Green Chairs instead. The music is better, the eye candy is exponentially better, the beers are more expensive. Guess it’s a trade-off. I’ll survive. Still less than $10 for 5 beers. Take note, Chicago.

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Make the mistake of running to the restroom and leaving my flip flops as my placeholder. Never. Again. Pretty sure I have an STD from the floor in there now. I wonder how much antibiotics cost here just in case. Penicillin, party of one! Oh wait, I’m allergic to the Penicillin family. Scratch that. I’ll risk it.

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Finally head back to my hotel after the sun sets on the beach. Shower and change into my new(est) tank top. Why not. Decide to head over to Signature Lounge at the Pinnacle next door for dinner and drinks. Order a Manhattan from the server who used to Chicago. Small world. Manhattan arrives. Ask for a food menu. No food. You have got to be kidding me. The Manhattan is good though so I order a second so I don’t look like a rude food-obsessed tourist. Officially tipsy. Close out and head back over to Hotel Amaca. Thank god it’s so close. Not even 8pm yet. Oy.

Decide to take a quick power nap before going out clubbing. Set my alarm for 9pm.

It is now 5am. Whoops. Epic fail.

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