Grabbed brunch and margaritas at El Dorado. Server told me the bathroom for me is the door on the left. Sign on the door says “LADIES.” Kid’s got jokes.
Leave brunch after two margaritas and a smorgasbord of food. Head to the beach to hang with St. Louis and the locals. Ten-ish Pacificos later I’m once again not allowed to pay. He’s slightly crazy but fun so I will hang with him again for sure. Find my future husband. Lots of steam coming from the undercarriage. I swear he has pec implants. They’re perfectly symmetrical and almost too big for the rest of his body. Oh well. I won’t complain. Hey daddy.
Total creeper status. Ask me if I care. I don’t.
Go back to my hotel to shower and change then grab dinner at Swedes down the hill. Easy reference point for when intoxicated. Everyone knows Swedes.
They’re decorating for Dia de los Muertos in my hood. So pretty.
Decide to go back to my room and kill some time before I meet back up with St. Louis and his/our amigos for drinks. Narcolepsy strikes. Buenos noches. No mas for me. Oh well. There’s always tomorrow.
Decide to switch it up and grab brunch at a different spot today. Five mimosas (or six?) later, I make friends with two Canadians from Toronto. One actually grew up outside Buffalo, NY where my mom’s family is from. Small world. Go to El Dorado after brunch and lay on the beach with them – with margaritas of course. Same two as brunch yesterday. Spicy Orange or something and Coconut Ginger. I’m a creature of habit. Doubles obviously. So tasty.
Make friends with a dog. I will name him Pedro. I love him. He leaves me though. Alas, it’s like a telenovela.
*Cries in Spanish *
Canadians pay our tab (gracias!) and head back to their hotel or wherever. I migrate down to Blue Chairs to meet up with St. Louis and the locals. Mas cervezas por favor.
Find my new husband. Forget daddy, I’ve found papi. He is muy delicioso. See?
Sun is going away so back to the hotel to shower and change. But first I must stop at Blondies. They have boozy slushies. Special of the day is a frozen Jack Daniels Lemonade. Winning.
Make friends with the bartender who also does drag. Her name is FiFi. Or PhiPhi. I’m guessing it’s with an F because español duh. Says to come to the show later and he will buy me a shot. Forget where though. Whoops. Damn you, JD Lemonade. Also buy a tank top for 250 pesos. It’s blue and has their Roy-Lichtenstein-meets-James-Bond-esque pin-up girl on it. It’s amazing. Yaaassss queen. Also snag the coaster because why not? Maybe I’ll work my way up to a full set.
Finally make my way back to the hotel. Shower then head down to Margarita Grill down the street for dinner. Fresh salsa made table side followed by fresh shrimp ceviche. And two beers. For $14.60 US. What is this madness?!
Meet the amigos at Mr. Flamingo for drinks. Make friends with Jenna and Holly from Oregon. They’re cute and fun. They can sit with us. Onward to Paco’s Ranch for a drag show and dancing like a cheep hooker. Grind on one of the locals for a while. I feel like a giant down here, but since he’s my height it works out fine. He’s a rare find. An endangered species almost. Like sea turtles. Still need to smuggle one back for Joni.
Leave St. Louis and the rest of the bunch to go across the street to CC Slaughter’s to continue dancing since the drag show started back up again. Two shows? Nonsense. Give me my music.
Take señor local back to my hotel. Is still there the next morning. Whoops. Sorry not sorry.
NOTE: Later discover you can buy a whole set of coasters at Blondies. Maybe I’ll do that. Also come to realize CC Slaughter’s has a location in Portland. No wonder it seemed familiar. I’ve totally been there.