Here’s a hint….if your guess was “Slim Shady” then I’m sad to inform you that you’re wrong.
a million two-and-a-half jobs (two full-time and one part-time), moving to a new apartment, working out, and sleeping… Yeah, I’ve totally dropped the ball over here and am fully aware that you’ve probably been missing my shenanigans. I’ll try not to let it happen again.
That being said: Guess who’s back working in Corporate America?
Say hello to the newest member of RHOCA, the Real Housewives of Corporate America.
Since I decided it’s kind of false advertising to be the “Often-Annoyed Designer” when I’m not really doing any design work – and because A) I’m a sucker for extra money, B) working the front desk at a spa/salon only pays so well, and C) this move to California isn’t going to pay for itself – I figured it was high time I go back to design for a few months. Plus what other job can you get away with only staying 3-6 months without it looking super sketchy to hiring managers? Yay for contract positions being so commonplace in the architecture and design world.
While searching job postings, I came across a position with a job description that looked pretty much identical to what I’d been doing when I left corporate hell almost a year ago. I said to myself “Why not? It’s not like you’re overqualified or anything. You’ve got this.”
Out went my resume with a standard “Please hire me so I can pay my student loans” email.
Sure enough, the recruiter called me a few days later. Sure enough, it was the same company I’d been working for before. You know, the one where they decided to give me a week’s notice that I wouldn’t have a job at the end of my contract and sparked my Adventure in Unemployment last spring? Yep, that’s the one.
Since I hadn’t left on the best of terms with a certain
C-U-Next-Tuesday micro-managing-wannabe-boss (same difference, right?) who thought I was unprofessional and unqualified for the position, I shot an email over to my previous actual boss letting him know I’d love to come back but didn’t want there to be any unprofessionalism tension from “certain individuals who may have previous challenges working alongside me.”
A week (and no interview) later, the recruiter called to offer me the position – a better position than I’d been in before actually. It would only be a 3-month contract, however, and with six months on my new sublet to go I wasn’t about to say adios to my spa management job and be left with no job again.
And so began my list of demands.
- I will only work Monday through Thursday. No Fridays. No weekends.
- I need to come in at a higher pay rate than I was at before.
- I will not start until 3 weeks after you want me to start.
- I need the second week of work off to work my other job.
- I will not stay in a contract position for longer than 6 months.
- My lease is up in August so if you want me around longer than that then you need to offer me a permanent position on the team by July so I have adequate time to inform my landlord if I’ll be renewing my lease or not.
- I refuse to work a minute over 40 hours unless you’re paying me overtime. None of this 60-70 hours-a-week BS that I did for free last time.
Pretty simple. Nothing extravagant. It’s not like I’m asking for the moon or anything.
Long story short: I should’ve been a lawyer. My demands were all agreed to 100%. Bingo!
So here I am now, back working in corporate every Monday through Thursday AND working at the spa every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday — and, because who needs a social life when you can have money instead, a few weeknights here and there after I leave the office.
This time around, I know up front that I’ll only be here for 3-6 months and am back for the sole purpose of helping pick up everyone’s slack. I’m only being as nice as I need to be, because clearly being nice and going above and beyond and giving 120% gets you nowhere with this company.
Welcome to the Real Housewives of Corporate America, starring me (of course)
“I’m here to make money….not friends.”