An Open Letter to the USPS

Dear United States Postal Service –

Now I understand why you’re going bankrupt and have to keep raising your prices on stamps. I’m onto you. The reason? Your customer service is second to none….in terms of being terrible.

Allow me to explain.

First off, when I moved to my new apartment, I set up mail forwarding. For the first two weeks I didn’t receive any mail. Weird. When I asked my mail carrier, she informed me it was because my name wasn’t on the mailbox so she’d been returning everything to the sender…despite the fact that everything had forwarding stickers directing it to this address. Real intelligent. But I’ll let it slide since she was friendly and agreed to start delivering my mail. As she should. Fine.

However……..about two weeks ago, you left me this slip in my mailbox letting me know that you had a package to deliver to me that needed to be signed for. Following the instructions on the card, I signed and checked the box to authorize redelivery and to have the package left. Pretty simple, right?

Wrong. Let the fiasco begin.

After four days of this sitting in my mailbox and mail being stuffed in on top of it, I realized “Hmm…maybe the mail carrier doesn’t see it in my mailbox before she fills it. I guess I should tape it to the front of my mailbox.”

Three more days (mail delivery days, not counting Sunday obviously) go by. I keep receiving mail yet this stays stuck to the front of my mailbox. Still no package. Typical I suppose.

Finally I catch that sneaky mail carrier who always manages to sneak into my building, leave the mail, and disappear quicker than the tooth fairy. I ask her about this slip and why my package hasn’t been redelivered yet despite the fact that I followed the instructions.

Well, well, well….apparently I was wrong.

“The reason I haven’t brought it back is because you have to go pick it up at the post office because it needs to be signed for.”

Umm…really? Where on earth does it inform me of this on your fancy little flesh-tone-pink slip that you left me? Nowhere. I see where it says that either I – or “my agent” whatever that might be – have to be present for delivery. However…I also see where it says I can sign to authorize redelivery and where I can indicate where it can be left if I’m not there…..which I filled out.

Nope. Unacceptable. It has to be picked up in person.

Fine. I’ll play your game.

Since it was a nice day, I decided to walk the 1.6 miles over to the post office where you informed me I needed to pick it up. No big deal. I’m in shape so 1.6 miles is nothing.

IMG_092310:32am Arrive and ring buzzer.

10:38am Ring buzzer again. Can hear voices on other side.

10:44am Ring again. Still hearing voices. Think I might be crazy.

10:46am Look for phone number. Only find 800-number.

10:47am Ring buzzer again for fourth time. Annoyed lady answers window. Looks like a dungeon of forgotten packages inside. Probably because people got annoyed at the window and left them to die. It’s like the Island of Misfit Toys…but packages. No wonder someone scribbled out “SHORTLY” on your sign. There is nothing short about this wait.

IMG_092410:51am Still waiting. Two more people arrive with pink slips. They must be on the same mission as me. At least they won’t have to ring the buzzer four times to get someone. Hopefully.

10:53am One of the two leaves. He must know how slow they are. Joke with the other lady about the situation. Learn that her dad and brother both work for the USPS (dad is a Postmaster – sounds fancy) in another city. Says this “Graceland Annex” is always a nightmare.

10:57am Post office worker finally returns with package then makes a big deal that I pre-signed my pink slip before I got there.

10:58am Wish the lady best of luck. Exit.

Do the math. 26 minutes of waiting to pick up a package. TWENTY SIX MINUTES!! Insanity. No wonder I find grey hairs.

By the time I’d picked this up, I’d forgotten what I’d even ordered. Thanks a lot, USPS. Good thing it wasn’t medication, a new liver, or anything else life-or-death because I’d probably have died waiting for your slow terrible service. No wonder your Graceland Annex only has 1.5 stars on Yelp (have you checked this out recently? I’m guessing not.). Sure says a lot about your customer service.

No wonder you’re hurting for money. Next time I order something online it’ll be UPS, FedEx, or anything other than you if I have a choice. Same goes for if I ship something. You’re a joke.

A Disgruntled Customer

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