Living My 6th-Grade Self’s Dream

I constantly joke with The Mothership that she’s going to end up on an episode of either Hoarders or some HGTV show that goes in to help a deserving viewer (or the mother of a viewer in my case) who started a project years ago and has yet to finish. *cough cough* yes, mom, I’m calling you out on taking several years and counting to finish repainting the kitchen cupboards *cough cough*

Anyways, she has this habit of “saving” everything from new-in-the-plastic-packaging Tupperware from when she used to be a sales consultant (when I was in middle school), mismatched glasses (take a look in her cupboard, I dare you), and old school projects and homework. Now don’t get me wrong, her house isn’t a mess by any means – or perhaps she just always has advance notice of when I’m coming home and cleans so I don’t have a heart attack – she’s a meticulous filer/organizer/Rubbermaid Queen. Our basement is a prime example of this. Shelves and shelves of Rubbermaid totes labeled with a black Sharpie indicating what’s encased in each veritable time capsule. Perhaps this is where I get my organization know-how.

Well apparently this Sunday was cleaning day because because I got a phone call asking if I wanted to know what she’d found. Fearing a dead mouse, small child, or long-lost snake that I’d put in a Ziploc bag and hid in the freezer years ago, I prepared for the worst and asked what she found.

“I found an ‘Interest Inventory’ you did when you were in sixth grade! It’s hilarious! Do you want to hear what you wrote?”

Umm…whatever an interest inventory is sounds interesting. Hit me with it, mom.

Apparently it was some homework assignment I’d done back in the day about what I enjoyed doing at the time and what I thought I wanted to do when I grew up. For your entertainment pleasure…I present to you, My 6th Grade Self.

So how am I doing? Would the 6th grade version of yours truly be impressed? Let’s see. 

1. I have no idea who or what a Matt Christopher book is.

2. Do I still like talking on the phone? Yes and no. It depends on who I’m talking to and what nonsense is requiring it. Is this what I enjoy doing when I’m not at school (or work in today’s case): not usually. I can think of many other things I’d rather be doing. 

3. MTV? Does that even still exist? Oh wait…MiddleschoolmomTV. Yes it does exist, and no I don’t like it. I also don’t care for the Simpsons either.

4. I had a pet dog, rabbit and fish? Jesus. I was practically Dr. Doolittle! Now I’m doing good to keep a plant alive. 

5. A “guini pig” eh? What the hell was I smoking? 

6. Hawaii or the Bahamas. Still haven’t been to either. Count me in, although there are other places I’d like to add to the list. 

7. An archaeologist. Hmm…I suppose if you consider the fact that I dig through outdated stores and try to decipher what the hell designers were thinking 10, 15, and 20 years ago, I guess you could say I’m living my dream… 

8. Monopoly…ain’t nobody got time fo’ that!

9. Apparently I was indifferent about whether or not I liked to read. Don’t ask me why. Truth is, I probably copied the girl next to me. She was probably blonde. That explains the “?” answer. 

10. Still no idea who/what a Matt Christopher is. Nancy Drew though…the predecessor to any Lifetime movie. You go girl. Solve that mystery. 

11. Clearly still copying the airhead. However…now I realize why I don’t typically write in cursive unless I’m scribbling my name on a receipt or a credit card payment screen. Apparently Mrs. Morton ruined cursive for me. 

12a. Bill Gates. Hmm. Still culturally relevant. Still rich. I’ll take it…although I want nothing to do with his PC’s. Give me a Mac any day.

12b. Been there done that. 

12c. “That I didn’t have to go to school.” How the hell was I supposed to be in college yet not be in school?

So how am I shaping up? Clearly I was clueless in sixth grade. Not only do I have no idea what a “Matt Christopher” is other than someone who sounds like they could moonlight as a gay porn star, but I also don’t own a pet “guini pig” or any pet for that matter. I’m not an archaeologist, nor have I become Bill Gates either. I still don’t like writing in cursive.

Would my sixth-grade self be thrilled with how I’ve lived up to my nearly 15-year-prior expectations and dreams? Probably not. I’m sure I was probably dead set on being an archaeologist and reading Nancy Drew books for the rest of my life.

I’d like to think now that those expectations were unrealistic though. Am I 100% satisfied with where I am now? Yes an no. There’s days that I hate my job, but everyone has that. Even if I were an archaeologist instead of a designer I’d probably have ended up with an “Often Annoyed Archaeologist” blog.

Overall though, yes. Consider me living the dream – not necessarily that of my sixth-grade-self, but a dream nonetheless.

And yes, I still hate writing in cursive with a passion.

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