Resolutions are Dumb

To put it simply, I think New Years resolutions are dumb. I always have, and I always will. My friend the Nancinator wrote a blog post the other day about her distaste for New Years resolutions which got me thinking about just how dumb they are. She’s also a designer and is one of the wittiest, snarkiest people I’ve ever worked with. She’s hilarious. Check it out. Bookmark that shit. You can thank me later.

But anyways, resolutions. Dumb. Yet what have I noticed I’ve been doing this year? Yep. Making changes. Weird, I know. Totally unlike me.

Did I resolutionize to make these change? Hell to the no. So how, on earth, did I randomly come to decide to make these changes? Eh, no reason. It was just time.

For instance…

My separated-at-birth-yet-not-actually-related twin about went into cardiac arrest when he came to visit for New Years Eve and found out I didn’t recycle. I know, I know. An interior designer who didn’t recycle (until just now). I’m a terrible person.

Don’t ask me why I never did this. I mean, I grew up doing this, but it was always a pain because we’d load up the back of our hunter green Dodge Grand Caravan (that screamed soccer mom yet none of us played soccer), drive into town, then have to sort it into these big dumpster-like bins. Gross. When I went away to college, there were recycling bins, but it was easy because 90% of my trash can was beer and vodka bottles anyway. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. Then I moved and you had to pay extra to recycle. Umm…no thanks.

Now, however, there’s a specific dumpster for recycling in my building. Six months later, I have now become a recycling addict. Go me. Yay environment.

So there’s that.

I also ordered a vegetarian omelet with a side of fruit the other morning at brunch. Seriously. I’m the furthest thing from a vegetarian since a good medium-rare filet pretty much makes me moist in my nether-regions just thinking about it, but for me to forgo the hash browns in exchange for fruit? Hell must have frozen over. I like to pretend it’s me trying to eat better, but I’d really just been sick for a week and a half and needed the Vitamin C. Whoops? Not quite a New Years change, but if I keep it going perhaps?

It also came to my attention a few weeks ago that I tend to come across as a bitch. I wonder where people get that impression? Can’t they see the halo? But alas, I apparently come across as clique-y and two-faced on occasion.

I guess that’s something I should work on immediately, right? I mean, I won’t call it a resolution since that just sets me up for failure since the majority of New Years resolutions end in failure (seriously, Forbes published (an article) last year about how only 8% of people who make a resolution actually accomplish it!).

I also read on some guy’s Grindr the other day a quote that stuck with me. It said:

Be the man you want to attract.

Totally appropriate. Totally do-able. While I’m completely well aware there’s a “fitness center” in my building that’s free to use 24/7/365, it sucks. Plain and simple. I’d much rather pay for a gym membership so I can guilt trip myself into going since if I don’t it’s like throwing money down the garbage disposal that I’m still bitter about not having in my kitchen (seriously, once you have one it’s a bitch not having one anymore). Needless to say, there’s an LA Fitness opening this month about two blocks from my condo. Guess who’ll be joining and hitting it as much as possible? This soon-to-be-back-in-shape guy. Look out, Hollywood Beach…I’m coming for ya.

I guess since there’s no time like the present, it’s a good time to address these things that need changed in my life. Going into the New Year, I’m saying “screw resolutions” and just getting back in shape, starting to recycle (already addicted), and adopting a “don’t give a shit” attitude where I attempt to be genuinely nice to everyone so I don’t come across as two-faced in 2014…or trying to at least. I figure I’ll just humor people that I’d otherwise try to pick a fight with over something stupid (i.e. telling them they’re a micro-manager and listing reasons why when they try to say they’re not – but that’s a story for another day). I’ve come to the conclusion that some battles aren’t worth fighting, so hopefully it cuts down on my annoyance and stress levels. Two birds with one stone, right?

And hopefully those birds are pigeons since they absolutely disgust me. Here’s to being happy, healthy, and green.

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