My Very Own Personal Travel Agent

I swear my mother missed her calling as a personal travel agent. For as much shit as I give her, she deserves a gold medal for putting up with me and making my travel arrangements on a whim…especially considering the fact that I call her at all hours of day and night – including right now since it’s currently closing in on midnight on the East Coast where she lives and I’m in the process of having her book my flight home for the holidays.

She’s phenomenal. Especially when she talks herself through every step of the process. She’s quite the ham to listen to on the phone.

“Okay. United confirmation! You are confirmed! Traveler Mr. ___________. Cool! And because I’m using rewards travel, okay, your first bag is free! Well no, wait, you know why it’s free? It’s because I’m using my United rewards card!”

And yes, this is all her talking to herself through the booking process. Now I know where I get the whole talking-to-myself thing from.

But I digress…

One time, I was blowing down the highway doing probably 10 over the speed limit (sorry mom) on my way to a design event in Cleveland in the middle of winter (whoops) when I called her to book a flight to Vegas for me for one of my best friend’s weddings. I mean, I would have done it myself, but it would have been dangerous to be on my phone booking my own travel while flying down the freeway in what was probably a blizzard. For those of you who don’t know, the drive from Erie to Cleveland in the dead of winter is a bitch and a half. Therefore, speakerphone was necessary while I let her do my dirty work.

Granted, my gem of a mother almost booked me into the Imperial Palace (gross…sorry, but you won’t catch me staying at a hotel that hasn’t been renovated since 1972), but she redeemed herself when she got me a killer deal on a flight and a room at Planet Hollywood (after a lot of yelling and complaining on the phone after Googling the Imperial Palace and discovering how horrible it looked) for under $600. Well done, madre!

For the past two years (this year will make three as of a few minutes ago), Wonder Woman has taken care of booking my flight home for the holidays as one of my Christmas gifts. Perhaps it’s out of the kindness of her jolly heart. Perhaps it’s because I threaten to hold the holidays hostage and not come home if she doesn’t pay for my flight as ransom. Perhaps the world will never know. Regardless, this lady definitely makes Santa’s “Nice” list for putting up with my demands.

More power to this woman, however in my defense, it’s a lot easier to ask for a flight for Christmas than have to worry about packing enough Christmas gifts that I’d otherwise receive into a suitcase that I’d then have to pay an additional $50 round-trip to haul back and forth. And heaven forbid it’s overweight…and we know how this works all too well since it happened last year. She had dropped me back off at the airport and gone on her merry way only to be called 5 minutes later (she didn’t even wait to make sure I’d made it on my flight safe and sound, thanks a lot) to tell her I needed one of her trusty eco-friendly reusable grocery bags to unload some things from my overweight suitcase. Whoops. Good thing she’d gotten stopped by one of Erie’s 383472302857509 poorly-coordinated red lights.

However this year will be different. Thanks to 20,000 rewards miles AND a free checked bag each way (thanks to her aforementioned United card), Wonder Woman only had to shell out $10 for my flight. Cha-ching!!!!

Now to see if I can fit a 55″ flatscreen into a suitcase…and yes, mom, that’s what I’d like for Christmas since you are saving money on my flight this year. (hint hint)

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