In anticipation of the date I have set up for this Friday – thanks in part to the assertiveness (total turn-on) of the gentleman caller who, after responding to his question of “What are you doing Friday night?” with a “I don’t have any plans,” promptly informed me that I did now and to make sure I didn’t double-book myself – I’ve put together a basic list of qualities, traits, and must-haves that I look for in a potential partner. By no means is this an all-inclusive list of absolute make-it-or-break-it requirements, because I mean, let’s face it, I’m fully aware that someone who meets all the criteria I’m about to list out either A) doesn’t exist, or B) is already taken. Some require a somewhat detailed explanation, while others are relatively self-explanatory.
ASSERTIVE – Friday boy already has this down.
AMBITIOUS – I don’t care what you want to do with your life (to an extent), but at least have a plan. Be ambitious. Is that too much to ask? If so, stop reading right now and go reevaluate your life.
DECISIVE – I hate being the one who chooses where dinner is all the time. I’m indecisive. Make a choice and let’s go….and on that note…
SPONTANEOUS – I love a good impulse buy (preferably a gift for me), a impulsive idea-turned-reality (i.e. let’s go do this!), etc.
GOOD CREDIT – If we’re qualifying for a good mortgage some day, I won’t want to go at this alone. Mine’s good, yours had better be at least that.
RESPONSIBLE – Duh. Need I elaborate?
A DESIRE TO HAVE KIDS – Yes, I want kids (yes, plural…two preferably) someday. Yes, I will occasionally pin things on Pinterest related to aforementioned future child/children (see also: My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter), the nursery, etc. Oh, and this should preferably happen relatively soon. Like, before I turn 35 at the latest. I don’t want to be an old dad. I want to, and will, be a DILF.
SIDE NOTE: A few years ago, I’d been home from college doing laundry (it gets annoying saving your quarters at the bar to do laundry) when my mom asked me randomly when I was going to find a nice guy, settle down, get married, and have/adopt a kid or two so she can be a grandma and spoil a kid. Keep in mind, I was 20 or 21 (yes, I had a fake ID hence the bar quarters) at the time. My response? “Maybe you should get my sister started on this. You still pay my rent. What makes you think I can support a child right now?” Needless to say, she wasn’t thrilled with that answer. Fast forward five years. I’m still single, not mentally or financially prepared for a child or two, and my sister is 18 and dating a 25 year old. I still stand by my response that she’ll probably be spawning an offspring before me.
GOOD DRESSER/SENSE OF STYLE – Have nice clothes in that dresser (pun intended) and know how to wear them. I won’t be seen in public with a slob.
NOT PSYCHOTIC – I deal with enough crazies at the office every day. The last thing I need is to be coming home to a psycho boyfriend/husband/whatever.
NOT A CLINGER – Sometimes I need space too, believe it or not.
AN OCD NEAT FREAK – Everything has its place. Especially in the home. It’s like you learn (or should have learned) when you’re a child: When you’re done playing with it, put it away. There are few things more annoying than clutter, dirty bathrooms, and sticky counters. It will not happen in my/our home. The end.
NOT SOCIALLY AWKWARD – I’m a social butterfly. I get invited to a lot of fun things. If we’re going to be each others’ arm candy, don’t be awkward in social settings. It’s quite simple.
EDUCATED/CAREER-ORIENTED – While there’s nothing wrong with not having a college degree, having one is greatly preferred. While having a trust fund is nice (and an added perk), I’d rather you be educated and have a career. There’s nothing wrong with being a server, but I’d rather you be in a position where you’re racking up a nice 401(k) with room to advance in your field.
SENSE OF HUMOR – I laugh. A lot. If you inhibit rather than facilitate this, we won’t work out. Period.
AROUND THE SAME HEIGHT – I’m 6’1″. I’ve dated guys under 5’9″ and it just doesn’t work out. It’s just as awkward in the bedroom as outside. I’ll never understand how my grandparents work since my grandpa is about 6’6″ and my grandma is probably about 5’1″…more power to them.
PHYSICALLY FIT – I hate working out, so I expect you to be in better shape and mentally guilt trip me into working out with you so we can both be DILFs. The end.
MUST LIKE DOGS – I love dogs. I am not, and will never be, a fan of cats. The only cats I like are other peoples cats in limited doses. I’m also mildly allergic. I am not, however, allergic to Grumpy Cat. He can stay. On that note, I like Jack Russell Terriers, Boston Terriers, French Bulldogs, Pit Bulls, and other such breeds. I also am opposed to buying them at a pet store. I’m a firm believer in rescuing a shelter dog. Ask me about Oliver Twist and my Roomdog.
MUST LIKE THE CITY – I have no, I repeat NO, desire to live in the suburbs or a small town. Vacationing in the country/outback/wherever is fine for a weekend (even a week perhaps) but I’m a city boy at heart. I do not do yardwork. I can’t even keep an herb garden alive, so I will not be mowing, pruning, or planting. If you’d like to do this, you can raise me an herb garden on our rooftop terrace, patio, or even a small backyard – but only if it’s behind a townhouse/brownstone/condo of sorts.
GOOD COOKING SKILLS – I love to cook. You should too. Frozen pizza doesn’t count, although I won’t turn it down for dinner with a movie and a quiet night in.
It’s really not that crazy of a list, right? I don’t feel like I’m asking for the moon…
So on that note, wish me luck tomorrow night.
REVISION: 09/12/13 – 11:27pm
I’d like to also add the following requirements:
NO FOOD ALLERGIES – I don’t know if I could deal with someone who’s allergic to nuts, wheat, shellfish, etc.
MUST LIKE SEAFOOD – This includes sushi…or at least be open to trying seafood and other such delicious things.
PREFERABLY OWN A BOAT – Okay, this isn’t so much a requirement as much as a definite added bonus. I’ll settle for a “my good friend has a boat, and we go out on it all the time” situation as well.