Whenever I go to the Target in the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago after dark, I justify buying a bottle or two of wine each time I go by telling myself it could be used as a weapon in self-defense should someone try to mug me and steal my purchases on the walk back to train. The fact that said mugging has never yet happened is just an added bonus for my wine rack.
Seriously. This Target is in…the…hood. You get off the train and – legit – it reeks of ghetto fabulousness. Walking from the Wilson red line stop to the entrance of Target, there are more weave shops, smoke shops, and “African Hair Braiding” shops than I think I’ve ever seen in my life. To say that it’s in an “ethnic” neighborhood is an understatement. The one day, I even passed a lady trying to sell last season’s luxury Avon (hahaha…right…because Avon is sooooo luxurious, right?) products out of a suitcase on the street corner outside Target – we’re talking NYC-sidewalk-vendor-selling-knockoff-handbags-and-sunglasses style. I thought I had seen it all on the red line…until I got off at the Wilson stop. Yikes. Needless to say, even after three straight weekends of laying out at the beach opting for JWOWW One and Done lotion rather than SPF (sorry, mom!) I still feel slightly out of place.
So in straight-up Honey-Boo-Boo’s-Mom-June fashion tonight, I pulled a “Coupooonnn queeeeeeeen” and spent a whole whopping $13.27. Mind you, I probably didn’t need half of it, but because I went drunk shopping…well, you know how that goes. It’s like going to the grocery store hungry. However…that $13 was VERY well spent. Three bags later, I waltzed out of the store happy as a clam – yes, with a bottle of wine just in case I needed to beat off some Avon-selling homeless lady – and came home. Toothpaste, face wash, gum, a pre-made meat/cheese/cracker tray, $8 fancy CFL bulbs that are bright when I turn them on (one of which, I proceeded to drop in my bathroom sink and shatter…whoops, down the sink went every shard of glass that was too big to pick up), a bottle of wine, a new razor, AND…(drumroll please)…a popcorn popper. Yes. I bought a popcorn popper.
What did I manage to forget though? Popcorn.
So I suppose tomorrow I shall trek back down to Target and get some popcorn – and another bottle of wine just in case. Perhaps I’ll even buy some Avon…